Filed under: thoughts
As the holidays begin to roll by too quickly (and as I continue to insist on procrastinating my work), I begin to feel a creeping surge of anxiety. I do not know where this is coming from - the January examinations, the January deadlines or the January classes.
Looking further ahead, I noticed something that somewhat transmuted my queasiness into, perhaps, fear - the step to be taken from education to employment. I know, I know, it’s peanuts to most, and it should seem that simple when I look back 5 years from now, but the amount of change that I am anticipating from this single step is disconcerting. I will most probably be moving back to Malaysia (albeit likely to Kuala Lumpur and not my beautiful home island Penang), getting a place to rent, purchasing some mode of transportation (hmm…. Kancil or month passes to 30 minutes of smelly armpits daily?), meeting new people and sorely missing old ones (you know who you are).
The thing is, it will still feel like I am in transition.
What is my step after? Does my first job constitute the entirety of my next 5-year plan? Or will it be 2-3 years of it before I head off again to graduate school? People who know me well know that I like to spend waste my time thinking worrying too much about the distant future. Lance always tells me, “Don’t be a wuss and stop wasting my (his) time talking about this bull****. You (I) will know what to do when the time comes. Now leave me (him) alone.” I know he is right, and darn him for sounding all hero and sh*t, but does he have to make me seem like such an a**? I mean, really.
In all seriousness, I guess I cannot help but wonder about these things. Maybe I like to torment myself by mulling over matters I can’t resolve through thinking long and hard enough. Maybe I like being uncool.
They say that humans are creatures of comfort - we reject the unfamiliar if we can afford to. But oftentimes, we are not given that pleasure, and during those periods of transience, we come to realise that it is not always a good thing to get too comfortable in our present state. Perhaps one of the most important things that people should get used to is change. Nickels and pennies of it.
